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Why God Made Moms by Anonymous

10895904885?profile=originalWHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions: 

 
Why did God make mothers?

1.  She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2.  Mostly to clean the house.
3.  To help us out of there when we were getting born.

 
How did God make mothers?

1.  He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2.  Magic, plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3.  God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

 
What ingredients are mothers made of?

1.  God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the
world and one dab of mean.
2.  They had to get their start from men's bones.  Then they mostly use string, I think.

 
10895904687?profile=originalWhy did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1.  We're related.
2.  God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

 
What kind of a little girl was your mom?

1.  My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2.  I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3.  They say she used to be nice.

 
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1.  His last name.
2.  She had to know his background.  Like is he a crook?  Does he get drunk on beer?
3.  Does he make at least $800 a year?  Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
 
Why did your mom marry your dad?

1.  My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.  And my mom eats a lot.
2.  She got too old to do anything else with him.
3.  My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.


10895905085?profile=originalWho's the boss at your house?
1.  Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2.  Mom.  You can tell by room inspection.  She sees the stuff under the bed.
3.  I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.


What's the difference between moms and dads?

1.  Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2.  Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3.  Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause 

     that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4.  Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.


What does your mom do in her spare time?

1.  Mothers don't do spare time.
2.  To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.


What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1.  On the inside she's already perfect.  Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2.  Diet.  You know, her hair.  I'd diet, maybe blue.


10895905454?profile=originalIf you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1.  She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.
2.  I'd make my mom smarter.  Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3.  I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
Read more…

JohnHapJumping-288.jpg?width=288By Happy Oasis, Raw Spirit Community News

Dear Godzillionaire,

"My aim has never been to be a millionaire.
And I've succeeded!"
~ Happy Oasis

"Being a millionaire is just too limited. Instead, I am a lifestyle godzillionaire. And so are you. How? Oddly. By being a minimalist. As a hiking guide in the Himalayas, while removing ~ to my clients' astonishment ~ their excess backpacking items, I used to advise that "every ounce counts." Dear Reader, can you carry all of your essentials on your back? Why wait? It's SMF. So Much Fun.

The lighter our load, the easier, the smoother, the faster, and the happier we can move through life. I lived out of a backpack for nearly twenty years! I was homeless yet called myself an "Adventure Anthropologist" while exploring, entrepreneuring and volunteering my way around the world. Freedom is the greatest joy. If we can run like gazelles, we can be our own Ferraris, crossing any terrain, far beyond where cars can go, with easeful grace.

My wealth has always been priceless, and available to all who choose to live amidst nature's splendors. I love the simplicity of abiding for this entire year in our "creational vehicle", a humble eco-rv with phenomenal gas mileage.

One measure of wealth is what we can do without. The less we need, the greater our freedom. I love to bathe in rivers, lakes, ocean and streams, so have no need of a shower, which regardless of the marble and glass, seems like a ridiculous poor person's little box after living so long in magnificent wilderness. Moreover, swimming across a lake is better exercise than taking a shower.

I love to bask in a perfect blend of sacred silence, poetry and music with an exquisite treasure trove of the most precious, chosen-with-care, amazingly-loving, brilliantine, friends radiating a kind heart and creative edge. I am a magnet for the most fascinating luminaries which is likely why you are reading this!

How can we enjoy the elegance of less-is-more with diet too? I feel best eating less and very simply. I habitually eat only when hungry. If we habitually eat before hunger arises, something is miss-firing. To get back on track, best to drink ample water, perhaps enjoy a slice of watermelon or a celery stick at most. Lack of mild hunger means its time to exercise ~ vigorously ~ at least an hour or two each miraculous day. These dawns and dusks I love to run like a wild animal along streams or mountain paths ablaze with flowers." ~ spontaneous interview with myself, Happy Oasis.

Read more…
By Steve Bhaerman (aka Swami Beyondananda

"The problem with knee-jerk reactions is that you too often end up kneeing the wrong jerk." -- Swami Beyondananda

Dear Friends:steve

In the wake of the tragic and senseless bombings in Boston this past Monday, three "usual suspects" emerged:

  • It was the Muslims.
  • It was the white supremacist gun nuts.
  • It was the government pulling off yet another false flag attack.

 

In this whodunit, each camp pre-concluded the perpetrator based on their worldview - or at least hoped out loud that their villain was the perp. Progressive journalist David Sirota, who otherwise seems to have his head on straight, wrote a piece for Salon entitled, "Let's Hope the Boston Marathon Bomber is a White American", and those who know a little too much about "false flag operations" saw government conspiracy written all over it.

Now two Chechin brothers have been identified as the perpetrators, and that seems like a likely enough story. As Freud supposedly said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. At the same time, given the way the government has used each incident to institute creeping martial law (in this case the lockdown of the entire city), it's understandable why any official story might lack credibility.

Like the little boy who cried Wolfowitz, our government and military industrial complex has so often manipulated the facts, distorted the truth, and cultivated fear, division, and disinformation that the body politic is suffering from what can only be called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, probably dating back nearly half a century to the Kennedy assassination.

Because there is no longer a trusted arbiter of the "truth" people are free to believe whatever they believe and hunker into their "silos" and receive only the information that reinforces their preconceptions.

There are still people who believe that Muslims are the only villains out there, or America, or Obama or the NRA. Here's the inconvenient truth. Villainy is an equal-opportunity employer.

The history of our so-called civilization has been so ruled by the "Rule of Gold Rule" ("Doo-doo unto others before they can doo-doo unto you") that our collective unconscious is a seething toxic mass of unresolved grief, terror and rage. As the unworkability of the whole thing becomes more and more apparent, the poison escapes - or explodes - out of any convenient pore.

As the media pulls us into the "details" of the story, we might do better by pulling ourselves out of the trees to see what the "forest" has to tell us. And I see two key areas of "common ground" so that we can individually and collectively come to our senses and - as the Swami would put it - "turn the funk into function, and leave the junk at the junction."

A Convenient Truth

The first is to appreciate and utilize a very convenient truth. We have a deeply united body politic. Regardless of where they line up on the political spectrum, the vast majority of ordinary citizens recognize that our government and corporate media cannot be trusted to tell us the truth, or even to call forth a constructive conversation. Like the friend or family member who is possessed by alcoholism or addictive drugs, the government (actually, the corporate state - coercive power doing the bidding of big money) cannot "heal" itself.

What is required is an "intervention" where the addict's loved ones come together to check the individual into a program.

America requires not just an intervention, but an "inner-vention" where we look inside ourselves to acknowledge the seeds of the evils we see "out there" and together in conversation - left and right coming front and center - we speak and listen together first to determine the "likeliest story," and then to ascertain and call forth what we would like instead. In other words, the intervention and inner-vention should lead to IN-vention.

As Van Jones famously said a few years ago, Martin Luther King's speech was not, "I have a complaint." We all have complaints, grievances, stories of injustice. That is the history of humankind - or rather, human-unkind.

And there is a parallel story, which is our second hopeful area of common ground.

For millennia, our spiritual teachers have pointed us toward the notion that we are indeed all in it together, that as Jesus said, "What you do to the least of us, you do to me."

It doesn't matter what the religious or nonreligious ethical system is, at the foundation there is love and connectivity. You can see here similar expressions of the Golden Rule in a number of different traditions.

As philosopher Alan Watts suggested, maybe it's time for the religious people of the world to stop worshipping the finger and instead see where it is pointing. This goes for fundamentalist atheists as well, whose belief in a non-God can be as fervent and rigid as any religious fanatic. Even if they cannot believe in God, they can certainly believe in Good. In the space beyond words and concepts, it's the same thing.

So ... what would it be like for Americans to step away from their screens (computer screens, TV screens, and the belief screens that shield us from novel ideas), and gather together in sacred space? What would it be like to call forth that which exists beyond religion and non-religion, and ask ourselves to speak into and listen from that space? There is no political, religious, economic, technical savior who can or will make things right. And ... by using the collected heart wisdom of humanity to properly focus our mental capabilities, we might actually be able to navigate the evolutionary passage in front of us.

Will we do it? As baseball great Willie Mays once said, "That's what we're going to play the season to find out."

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